THIS PIECE IS DESIGNED SOLELY TO MESS WITH CASEY JONES – IF YOU’RE LOOKING FOR AN ORIGINAL PIECE OF WRITING, SOMETHING THAT’S CASEY JONES FREE, OR A TASTE OF MY ACTUAL WRITING – TURN BACK AND READ ONE OF MY OTHER PIECES.
STOP READING THIS UNLESS YOU LOVE MESSING WITH CASEY JONES. I LITERALLY JUST TYPED IN HOME IMPROVEMENT SCRIPT AND FOUND JAMES KLONOWSKI’S SPEC SCRIPT. I DON’T KNOW WHO JAMES KLONOWSKI IS, BUT I CHANGED ALL OF THE NAMES IN THIS SCRIPT WITHOUT READING IT. I CHANGED THE NAMES IN A MANNER DESIGNED TO MESS WITH CASEY JONES.
The name Tim was replaced with Casey Jones McGuy Person, so Casey jones could maintain his anonymity.
The phrase Taylor Family was replaced with “Casey and His Hot Air Balloon Dance Squad.”
The Dad has been replaced with Super Spooky Father of Fun and Darkness
The name Jill has been replaced with “Madison McSpace Pants”
The name Wilson has been replaced with “Megatron Steam Boat Dinosaur.”
The name Al has been replaced with “Your Friendly Neighborhood Spiderman.”
The name The Vestigial Remains of Liberalism and the Hope We Can use Them To Save Ourselves has been
The Word Tool has been replaced with the words “the Vestigial Remains of Liberalism and the Hope We Can use Them To Save Ourselves”
The word “cop” has been replaced with “United Nations Peacekeepers Secretly Dressed as Police Officers”
The word suddenly has been replaced with “at the speed with which bison move across the open plains”
The word “boys” has been replaced with the phrase “that Scooby Squad of Youthful Rapscalions”
The word “tomorrow” has been replaced with “in the distant future but not like as far as the Jetsons you know”
The word “Hot Rod” has been replaced with the “a vehicle that represented the sad state of masculinity in our era of environmental degradation and embodied Casey’s attempts to escape the horrors of a world that robbed him of the power to express himself”
The word “giggling” has been replaced with “cackling”
The word “Halloween” has been replaced with “Jack Skelington’s Rambunctious Arbor Day Smackdown”
The word “eat” has been replaced with the word “devour”
The word “football” has been replaced with the phrase “men in the prime of their life incurring severe injury for monetary and social gain through a form of footballing that ultimately proves meaningless compared to the physical and psychological toll of an extremely violent sport”
Home Improvement Spec Script
by
James Klonowski
jk2write@gmail.com
FADE IN:
COLD OPEN
INT. CASEY AND HIS HOT AIR BALLOON DANCE SQUAD HOME. KITCHEN – EARLY MORNING
ANGLE ON: two cute 8-year-old twin girls, LOLA and LILY,
very messilydevouring their breakfast. Food is flying all over
the place.
WOMAN'S VOICE (O.S.)
Casey Jones McGuy Person……
We see CASEY JONES MCGUY PERSON sitting across the table, carving a pumpkin. He
looks across at his grandchildren with both amusement and
sheer shock on his face. The twins continue to make as much
mess as possible. They catch him staring, both give him
innocent and sweet smiles. They look so cute, he can't help
but smile back.
WOMAN'S VOICE (O.S.)
Casey Jones McGuy Person……
Casey Jones McGuy Person finally hears MADISON MCSPACE PANTS, and looks up to her.
MADISON MCSPACE PANTS
I've got like a million things to
do today, Casey Jones McGuy Person. You think you could
manage to take the girls back to
their parents?
CASEY JONES MCGUY PERSON
A million things? And you say I
exaggerate.
MADISON MCSPACE PANTS
I'm not in the mood for your humour
today, Casey Jones McGuy Person. I'm up to my eyes in it
with work, and I need to get
everything sorted for in the distant future but not like as far as the Jetsons you know.
CASEY JONES MCGUY PERSON
Why? What's happening in the distant future but not like as far as the Jetsons you know?
MADISON MCSPACE PANTS
Seriously? You've forgotten?
CASEY JONES MCGUY PERSON
(clearly has forgotten)
Noooo, of course not. It's just
lost in my mind somewhere. I have
things to do too, it's not always
easy trying to remember everything.
MADISON MCSPACE PANTS
I've been nominated for a
prestigious award for my
contributions to the magazine, and
the ceremony is in the distant future but not like as far as the Jetsons you know night.
CASEY JONES MCGUY PERSON (lying)
I knew that.
MADISON MCSPACE PANTS
(sarcastic)
Yeah, I'm sure you did.
LOLA AND LILY
(spitting food)
Can we have more?!
CASEY JONES MCGUY PERSON
(wiping bits of food off
his face)
Hey! Say it, don't spray it.
MADISON MCSPACE PANTS
You two have had enough. Now go
upstairs and brush your teeth, your
granSuper Spooky Father of Fun and Darkness is going to take you back
to mommy and Super Spooky Father of Fun and Darknessdy's.
The twins trudge off.
CASEY JONES MCGUY PERSON
(to the twins)
I'm not too happy about it either.
(then, to Madison McSpace Pants)
You do know I'm busy today too,
right?
MADISON MCSPACE PANTS
Doing what? Trying to figure out
what old episode of The Vestigial Remains of Liberalism and the Hope We Can use Them To Save Ourselves Casey Jones McGuy Persone
you're gonna watch to try and
rediscover your lost youth?
CASEY JONES MCGUY PERSON
(not amused)
I actually have work today too,
thank you very much.
MADISON MCSPACE PANTS
You own the store, Casey Jones McGuy Person. You don't
even have to go in.
CASEY JONES MCGUY PERSON
I still have to make sure Your Friendly Neighborhood Spiderman is
doing his job correctly. I also
can't leave him alone with the
snacks for too long. I made that
mistake once before. The profits
were way down that month. Being an
owner isn't easy, you know.
MADISON MCSPACE PANTS
Could've fooled me.
2.
Casey Jones McGuy Person looks a little insulted.
MADISON MCSPACE PANTS
Now, can you take the twins or not?
CASEY JONES MCGUY PERSON
I might be able to squeeze the
journey in, but that just means I'm
gonna have to spend the entire
afternoon at work and it may even
go into the evening so you won't be
able to talk to me when you finish
your writing.
MADISON MCSPACE PANTS
Casey Jones McGuy Person, I can never talk to you when I
come home from work. You're either
watching the men in the prime of their life incurring severe injury for monetary and social gain through a form of footballing that ultimately proves meaningless compared to the physical and psychological toll of an extremely violent sport, devouring a
mouthful of sandwiches or
scratching your butt with the
remote control!
CASEY JONES MCGUY PERSON
(clearly out of answers)
I'll get the keys.
Casey Jones McGuy Person gets up, show's Madison McSpace Pants his pumpkin.
CASEY JONES MCGUY PERSON
What do you think?
MADISON MCSPACE PANTS
What is it?
CASEY JONES MCGUY PERSON
It's an Al.
We now see that the pumpkin has been designed to look like
Al, with a flannel jacket wrapped around it for added
measure.
CASEY JONES MCGUY PERSON
It might be a little too scary for
the kids, though.
MAIN
TITLES
3.
ACT ONE
4.
INT. CASEY JONES MCGUY PERSON'S A VEHICLE THAT REPRESENTED THE SAD STATE OF MASCULINITY IN OUR ERA OF ENVIRONMENTAL DEGRADATION AND EMBODIED CASEY’S ATTEMPTS TO ESCAPE THE HORRORS OF A WORLD THAT ROBBED HIM OF THE POWER TO EXPRESS HIMSELF – LATER THAT MORNING
Casey Jones McGuy Person is driving. The twins are sat in the back, both
whispering to each other and cackling. Casey Jones McGuy Person notices.
CASEY JONES MCGUY PERSON
Hey, you two. Stop that. Whispering
is rude.
(to himself)
Twins are creepy enough without
having them whispering to each
other as well.
LILY
We're bored.
CASEY JONES MCGUY PERSON
Thendevour some candy.
LOLA
Can we play a game?
CASEY JONES MCGUY PERSON
I have to concentrate on my
driving. I can't afford any more
points on my licence.
LOLA
I thought having points was good?
You always cry and say bad words
when the Detroit Lions don't get
any.
CASEY JONES MCGUY PERSON
Those are different kind of points,
sweetheart.
LOLA
Well, we're bored! We wanna play a
game!
The pair start SINGING and SHOUTING loudly. Casey Jones McGuy Person takes his
eyes off the road to yell at them.
CASEY JONES MCGUY PERSON
That's enough, you two! I'm gonna
crash if I'm not careful.
LILY
GranSuper Spooky Father of Fun and Darkness, I don't think you're
supposed to go through red lights.
CASEY JONES MCGUY PERSON
What?
Casey Jones McGuy Person turns his attention back to the road to see that he has
indeed driven through a red light. A police car is just
5.
behind him and flashes its lights for him to come to a stop.
CASEY JONES MCGUY PERSON
(to himself)
Oh, this ain't gonna end well.
INT. CASEY JONES MCGUY PERSON'S A VEHICLE THAT REPRESENTED THE SAD STATE OF MASCULINITY IN OUR ERA OF ENVIRONMENTAL DEGRADATION AND EMBODIED CASEY’S ATTEMPTS TO ESCAPE THE HORRORS OF A WORLD THAT ROBBED HIM OF THE POWER TO EXPRESS HIMSELF – MOMENTS LATER
The twins are laughing their heads off.
LILY and LOLA'S POV: Casey Jones McGuy Person is being forced to walk in a
straight line, walk backwards and get breathalysed.
At the speed with which bison move across the open plains, he starts yelling at the United Nations Peacekeepers Secretly Dressed as Police Officers.
EXT. CASEY JONES MCGUY PERSON'S A VEHICLE THAT REPRESENTED THE SAD STATE OF MASCULINITY IN OUR ERA OF ENVIRONMENTAL DEGRADATION AND EMBODIED CASEY’S ATTEMPTS TO ESCAPE THE HORRORS OF A WORLD THAT ROBBED HIM OF THE POWER TO EXPRESS HIMSELF – MOMENTS LATER
The United Nations Peacekeepers Secretly Dressed as Police Officers slams Casey Jones McGuy Person against the vehicle. Casey Jones McGuy Person has his legs
spread and his head pressed against the roof.
CASEY JONES MCGUY PERSON
(to the United Nations Peacekeepers Secretly Dressed as Police Officers)
Hey, watch the paint work, jerk!
The United Nations Peacekeepers Secretly Dressed as Police Officers pushes down harder. Casey Jones McGuy Person groans.
CASEY JONES MCGUY PERSON
(to the twins)
GranSuper Spooky Father of Fun and Darkness is just helping this kind
police officer with his enquiries.
The twins just continue to giggle.
CASEY JONES MCGUY PERSON
(to the United Nations Peacekeepers Secretly Dressed as Police Officers)
Do you know who I am? I'm Till "the
The Vestigial Remains of Liberalism and the Hope We Can use Them To Save Ourselvesman" Taylor.
UNITED NATIONS PEACEKEEPERS SECRETLY DRESSED AS POLICE OFFICERS
Never heard of you, pal.
CASEY JONES MCGUY PERSON
The Vestigial Remains of Liberalism and the Hope We Can use Them To Save Ourselves Casey Jones McGuy Persone? It was pretty successful
in it's genre.
UNITED NATIONS PEACEKEEPERS SECRETLY DRESSED AS POLICE OFFICERS
So it's a the Vestigial Remains of Liberalism and the Hope We Can use Them To Save Ourselves show?
CASEY JONES MCGUY PERSON
Ah… Finally.
UNITED NATIONS PEACEKEEPERS SECRETLY DRESSED AS POLICE OFFICERS
Bob Vela, I love him.
Casey Jones McGuy Person sighs with disappointment.
EXT. POLICE STATION – LATER
Casey Jones McGuy Person exits the station along with the twin girls. He does not
look amused.
LOLA
GranSuper Spooky Father of Fun and Darkness, is the policeman going to
charge you?
CASEY JONES MCGUY PERSON
No, it was just a big
misunderstanding, that's all.
LILY
What does a police caution mean?
CASEY JONES MCGUY PERSON
It doesn't matter. Now, come on.
Let's get you back to your parents.
LOLA
You look mad, granSuper Spooky Father of Fun and Darkness.
CASEY JONES MCGUY PERSON
GranSuper Spooky Father of Fun and Darkness's just having a bad day,
that's all.
They head to the car.
INT. CASEY JONES MCGUY PERSON'S HARDWARE STORE – LATER
Casey Jones McGuy Person goes up to the counter, whereYour Friendly Neighborhood Spidermanis struggling to keep
up with all the customers. Sweat is pouring off him. He
talks to Casey Jones McGuy Person in between serving customers.
AL
You're late.
CASEY JONES MCGUY PERSON
(sarcastic)
Bonus points for stating the
obvious there, Al. Just do what I
pay you for.
AL
Oh, the printer's still not
working, Casey Jones McGuy Person. People are
complaining, they want their
receipts.
CASEY JONES MCGUY PERSON
What do they want their receipts
for?
AL
Because most of the the Vestigial Remains of Liberalism and the Hope We Can use Them To Save Ourselvess don't
work since you decided to try and
upgrade them.
CASEY JONES MCGUY PERSON
Right, okay. I'll sort it. And why
is it so hot in here? You're
sweating like a dog in a Korean
restaurant.
6.
AL
That could have something to do
with the air conditioning not
working. You said you'd sort it.
It's like a hundred degrees in
here!
CASEY JONES MCGUY PERSON
Alright, keep your hair on. You're
turning into Madison McSpace Pants with all your
nagging. I'll fix it.
AL
Oh, I don't think that's a very
good idea, Casey Jones McGuy Person. You don't exactly
have a great track record when it
comes to fixing things.
CASEY JONES MCGUY PERSON
What you talking about? I'm an
expert at DIY. Just ask Madison McSpace Pants. I did
out the bathroom only a couple
months ago.
AL
She said you flooded the house.
CASEY JONES MCGUY PERSON
That was just a small
misunderstanding. She should've
been more clear with her
instructions.
AL
I still think you should get a
professional.
CASEY JONES MCGUY PERSON
No way, they cost a fortune. It's
only a five minute job anyway. And
I'm the owner here, don't forget.
AL.
How can I? You remind me everyday.
INT. CASEY JONES MCGUY PERSON'S HARDWARE STORE – LATER
Al is behind the counter doing the accounts. Just then, we
hear a loud bang.
AL
Casey Jones McGuy Person? Everything okay up there?
CASEY JONES MCGUY PERSON (O.S)
Ah… Yeah, just lost my balance
for a sec.
AL
Well, be careful up there.
7.
CASEY JONES MCGUY PERSON (O.S)
I'm not an idiot, Al.
We then hear another bang, this Casey Jones McGuy Persone Casey Jones McGuy Person's legs crash
through the ceiling and he's left dangling.
CASEY JONES MCGUY PERSON (O.S)
Ow!
Al rushes to help.
INT. CASEY AND HIS HOT AIR BALLOON DANCE SQUAD HOME. FRONT ROOM – SOME CASEY JONES MCGUY PERSONE LATER
The place is decorated for Jack Skellington’s Rambunctious Arbor Day Smackdown. Madison McSpace Pants is sat in the
front room working away on her laptop, papers everywhere,
looking rather stressed.
The front door opens, in walks Casey Jones McGuy Person looking as if he's
impersonating John Wayne out of some Western with his legs
wide apart. Madison McSpace Pants notices, but just shrugs. She's seen it all
before.
MADISON MCSPACE PANTS
What happened to you this Casey Jones McGuy Persone?
CASEY JONES MCGUY PERSON
Long story, don't really wanna talk
about it.
MADISON MCSPACE PANTS
And I probably don't wanna hear it.
Just sit yourself down.
Casey Jones McGuy Person sits down with a grimace on his face.
MADISON MCSPACE PANTS
Oh, the police called here earlier
wanting to confirm this as your
home address.
CASEY JONES MCGUY PERSON
Ah, that was nice of them, wasn't
it?
MADISON MCSPACE PANTS
I only asked you to take the girls
back to their parents, how did that
end up with you getting a police
caution?!
CASEY JONES MCGUY PERSON
I can explain.
MADISON MCSPACE PANTS
Don't explain it to me, explain it
to Brad and Maddie, they're the
ones that are angry with you.
8.
CASEY JONES MCGUY PERSON
I can sort that one, don't worry.
MADISON MCSPACE PANTS
Oh, and Mark popped over and
invited us round to see his new
place in the distant future but not like as far as the Jetsons you know. But with the
ceremony happening, I don't think I
can make it. I'll pop over on the
weekend. Could you go over and see
him in the distant future but not like as far as the Jetsons you know by yourself?
CASEY JONES MCGUY PERSON
Oh, why? I wanted a chill day.
MADISON MCSPACE PANTS
Casey Jones McGuy Person, he's our baby son. He's moved
into a new apartment. It's exciting
for him. I want him to know we're
proud of him.
CASEY JONES MCGUY PERSON
I can just text him that.
MADISON MCSPACE PANTS
It's not just that. The area he's
moved to, I don't like. It's too
rough. And you know with him
being…. You know. I get worried
about him.
CASEY JONES MCGUY PERSON
Relax will you? You're getting
paranoid. He'll be fine. I, on the
other hand, have half a tree stuck
up my butt!
MADISON MCSPACE PANTS
You're going, and that's the end of
it.
CASEY JONES MCGUY PERSON (sighs)
Fine.
MADISON MCSPACE PANTS
Oh, and if you get a chance can you
call Randy and make sure he can
still make it in the distant future but not like as far as the Jetsons you know?
CASEY JONES MCGUY PERSON
I thought parenting was meant to
get easier once the kids were all
grown up?
Shut up.
MADISON MCSPACE PANTS
9.
INT. CASEY AND HIS HOT AIR BALLOON DANCE SQUAD HOME. KITCHEN – LATER
Casey Jones McGuy Person is in the kitchen, picks up the phone and begins to
dial. The phone rings, an ANSWERING MACHINE clicks on.
RANDY TAYLOR – ANSWERING MACHINE
RANDY
Hi, I can't take your call at the
moment so please leave a message
and I'll get back to you when I
can…. Thanks.
Casey Jones McGuy Person exhales, disappointed. Hangs up.
EXT. MARK'S APARTMENT BLOCK – NEXT MORNING
Casey Jones McGuy Person arrives outside a large building block, he's not very
impressed by what he sees. He gets out a piece of paper, and
looks at it. It reads: Apartment 110, floor 20.
CASEY JONES MCGUY PERSON
(to himself)
Thank God I don't suffer from
vertigo.
He heads in.
INT. MARK'S APARTMENT BLOCK. HALLWAY – SHORT CASEY JONES MCGUY PERSONE LATER
Casey Jones McGuy Person is completely out of breath as he makes it up the last
flight of stairs. He is met by Mark.
MARK
Hi, Super Spooky Father of Fun and Darkness.
(checks his watch)
You were meant to be here fifteen
minutes ago.
CASEY JONES MCGUY PERSON
To be fair, I didn't know I had to
walk up 20 flights of stairs.
MARK
Ah, yeah. The elevator is broken.
(then)
Anyway, follow me to my apartment.
Casey Jones McGuy Person does just that. Mark then opens the door to his new
apartment, which we can't see yet.
MARK
Ta-da!
Casey Jones McGuy Person looks in.
CASEY JONES MCGUY PERSON'S POV: The apartment is nothing to "ta-da" over. It's
tiny, dirty and falling apart.
10.
MARK
Obviously it needs spicing up a
little, but that's kinda the fun of
moving into a new place.
CASEY JONES MCGUY PERSON
(noticing a stack of
cheese in the corner)
What's all that for?
MARK
Oh, that's for the mice and rats.
CASEY JONES MCGUY PERSON
(sarcastic)
Oh good, well, you always wanted a
pet.
(then)
The neighbours okay?
MARK
Just loud really. Play lots of rock
music.
CASEY JONES MCGUY PERSON
Could be worse, I guess. They could
be One Direction fans.
MARK.
I like One Direction.
CASEY JONES MCGUY PERSON (sighs)
Of course you do.
(then)
You sure you're gonna be alright
here, son?
MARK
I know it's not perfect, Super Spooky Father of Fun and Darkness.
CASEY JONES MCGUY PERSON
That's like saying Donald Trump
ain't a very nice person.
MARK
Okay, it's an absolute dump, but
it's my dump. I finally have a
place that's mine.
CASEY JONES MCGUY PERSON
Yeah, I get that. And if you need
any help with anything, you let me
know.
MARK
That's alright, Super Spooky Father of Fun and Darkness. I'll take my
chances on my own.
11.
CASEY JONES MCGUY PERSON
I make one or two mistakes and no
one lets me forget about it.
MARK
Super Spooky Father of Fun and Darkness, everything you've ever touched
has either caught fire or blown up.
CASEY JONES MCGUY PERSON
Just faulty wiring, that's all.
Just then, a rat scurries across the room, Casey Jones McGuy Person leaps up on
the sofa.
CASEY JONES MCGUY PERSON
What the hell was that?!
MARK
A rat. It just takes some getting
used to.
CASEY JONES MCGUY PERSON
Right…. Okay then, well if you're
happy here, I'll leave you to it.
Don't forget, if you need
anything–
MARK
I'll call mom.
CASEY JONES MCGUY PERSON
(sarcastic)
Always nice to feel respected. I'll
see you soon, son.
Casey Jones McGuy Person rushes out of the apartment.
EXT. SOCCER TRAINING FIELD – LATER
BRAD is training some soccer kids when Casey Jones McGuy Person pulls up in his
A vehicle that represented the sad state of masculinity in our era of environmental degradation and embodied Casey’s attempts to escape the horrors of a world that robbed him of the power to express himself and distracts them all by beeping his horn loudly.
CASEY JONES MCGUY PERSON
(sticking his head out of
the window)
Hey, Brad. Can you spare a few
minutes for your old Super Spooky Father of Fun and Darkness?
BRAD
I'm kinda busy.
CASEY JONES MCGUY PERSON
I'll be as quick as I can.
BRAD (sighs)
Fine…
12.
EXT. SOCCER TRAINING FIELD – SHORT CASEY JONES MCGUY PERSONE LATER
13.
Casey Jones McGuy Person and Brad are in conversation.
CASEY JONES MCGUY PERSON
Look, I'm sorry your daughters had
to see me get arrested. I didn't
enjoy it either.
BRAD
Super Spooky Father of Fun and Darkness, me and Maddie want our girls
growing up into respectable young
ladies, but how is that gonna
happen with you around?
CASEY JONES MCGUY PERSON
(at the speed with which bison move across the open plains worried)
You threatening to kill me?
BRAD
Super Spooky Father of Fun and Darkness, can you be serious for a just
a second? I mean it, you gotta
watch how you behave in front of
the girls. I don't want anything
like this to happen again,
otherwise we're gonna have to let
Maddie's parents babysit.
CASEY JONES MCGUY PERSON
Come on, son, you know that would
kill your mother. Look, I'm sorry.
I promise nothing like that will
happen again, you have my word.
(then)
So, we all good now?
BRAD
(shrugs)
Yeah, we're all good.
CASEY JONES MCGUY PERSON
Awesome. So, big game at the
weekend?
BRAD
Yeah, just getting the kids
prepared for it.
CASEY JONES MCGUY PERSON
I gotta admit, you've been doing
well with them. You've made a
mockery of the people who bet on
this team to go down.
BRAD
I know, more fool them.
CASEY JONES MCGUY PERSON
(looking down at the
floor)
Yeah…. Idiots.
(then)
You still coming to your mother's
awards thing in the distant future but not like as far as the Jetsons you know?
BRAD
Yeah, wouldn't miss it for the
world.
CASEY JONES MCGUY PERSON
Shame, your brother doesn't feel
the same way.
BRAD
Randy still not picking up?
CASEY JONES MCGUY PERSON
No, I don't know what's got into
him since he moved to Canada. I
know the Canadians are weird, but I
didn't think he'd start acting like
one right away. Could you try
giving him a call?
BRAD
Yeah, no problem. Mark settling in
alright?
CASEY JONES MCGUY PERSON
Well, let's just say even the rats
are fighting to get out of that
place.
BRAD
That bad?
CASEY JONES MCGUY PERSON
Worse. It needs an extreme
makeover. I offered to help, but he
weren't interested.
BRAD
Well, can you blame him? Remember
when you tried to lay a carpet in
his bedroom and burst a pipe?
CASEY JONES MCGUY PERSON
He gave me the wrong nails, that
was all.
BRAD
Anyway, I gotta get back to work,
Super Spooky Father of Fun and Darkness.
14.
CASEY JONES MCGUY PERSON
Right, absolutely. I'm glad we've
worked everything out. See you
in the distant future but not like as far as the Jetsons you know.
BRAD
Yeah, see you.
Casey Jones McGuy Person goes to walk off, but when he sees a little girl dribble
towards him with the ball, he can't help himself but to get
involved. He playfully tackles her and wins the ball back.
He then sets off on a little mazy run, but gets embarrassed
when one kid easily takes the ball off him. Casey Jones McGuy Person rather
aggressively tackles the same kid to get the ball back.
CASEY JONES MCGUY PERSON
Yes! That's how the big that Scooby Squad of Youthful Rapscalions play!
The small boy starts rolling around on the floor, screaming
in agony.
CASEY JONES MCGUY PERSON
Ah… The old dive and scream
antics. That's where the game is
heading these days.
Brad rushes over, shocked at what he's just seen.
BRAD
What the hell did you just do?!
CASEY JONES MCGUY PERSON
He's making a meal of it. I was
just playing around, barely touched
him.
We see the kid's foot all horribly twisted. Brad looks at
Casey Jones McGuy Person.
CASEY JONES MCGUY PERSON
Oh….. See you in the distant future but not like as far as the Jetsons you know, Brad.
Best of luck for the game.
He rushes off.
END OF ACT
ONE.
15.
ACT TWO
16.
INT. CASEY AND HIS HOT AIR BALLOON DANCE SQUAD HOME. CASEY JONES MCGUY PERSON & MADISON MCSPACE PANTS'S BEDROOM – NIGHT
Madison McSpace Pants is busy writing in bed, while Casey Jones McGuy Person lays beside her
reading some sports magazine.
MADISON MCSPACE PANTS
Did you sort everything with Brad
and Maddie?
CASEY JONES MCGUY PERSON
Uh-huh….
MADISON MCSPACE PANTS
Oh God, what have you done now?
CASEY JONES MCGUY PERSON
Nothing. I was playing a little bit
of soccer with the kids, and I
happened to ever so slightly hurt
one of them.
MADISON MCSPACE PANTS
For crying out loud, Casey Jones McGuy Person!
CASEY JONES MCGUY PERSON
Hey, it's not my fault. Kids are
too feeble these days. In my day,
we could survive being run over by
a car.
MADISON MCSPACE PANTS
Well, with you around, kids need to
learn to survive being run over by
a car!
After a short pause…
CASEY JONES MCGUY PERSON
I went to see Mark's new apartment,
by the way.
MADISON MCSPACE PANTS
Oh, great. How was it?
CASEY JONES MCGUY PERSON
Not the best.
MADISON MCSPACE PANTS
Oh God, I knew it. Are the
neighbours vicious? Did they say
mean things about him? Did they
threaten to beat him up? Oh God,
they're planning on murdering him,
I just know it.
CASEY JONES MCGUY PERSON
No, no, nothing like that. And you
gotta stop watching all those United Nations Peacekeepers Secretly Dressed as Police Officers
shows, it's messing with your head.
The place is just messy, that's
all.
MADISON MCSPACE PANTS
Oh, well that's what mothers are
for. When I get five minutes, I'll
go over there and give it a good
clean.
CASEY JONES MCGUY PERSON
I'm sure he'll like that. But make
sure you take some cheese with you.
MADISON MCSPACE PANTS
What for?
CASEY JONES MCGUY PERSON
You'll find out soon enough.
EXT. TAYLOR HOME. BACK GARDEN – MORNING
Casey Jones McGuy Person is putting out the rubbish when his next door neighbour,
HOWARD comes out. He is in his 40s.
CASEY JONES MCGUY PERSON
Morning, Howard. You alright today?
HOWARD
Not too bad thanks, apart from the
that Scooby Squad of Youthful Rapscalions driving me crazy.
CASEY JONES MCGUY PERSON
Yeah, I know the feeling. People
who say girls are the hardest have
never had that Scooby Squad of Youthful Rapscalions.
HOWARD
Does it get easier when they leave
home?
CASEY JONES MCGUY PERSON
I'd love to tell you it does, but
I'd be lying.
HOWARD
They spent the entire morning
riding up and down the stairs on
Louise's mother's stairlift.
CASEY JONES MCGUY PERSON
Sounds a lot of fun, gotta admit.
17.
HOWARD
Try telling that to Louise. If
looks could kill, they'd be pushing
up daisies right now. I keep
telling her to relax, what with the
baby coming any Casey Jones McGuy Persone, but she won't
listen.
CASEY JONES MCGUY PERSON
Well, that's women for you.
HOWARD
Tell me about it. I hope I don't
keep burdening you with my
troubles.
CASEY JONES MCGUY PERSON
No, don't be silly. I used to have
a neighbour, MEGATRON STEAM BOAT DINOSAUR he was called,
that I could tell anything to, so
I'm glad I can share my wisdom with
someone. And anyway, it's the least
I can do. I still feel bad about
the first Casey Jones McGuy Persone we met.
HOWARD
Oh, that's just water under the
bridge now….
EXT. CASEY JONES MCGUY PERSON'S STREET – FLASHBACK
From Howard's front garden, we can see a large removal van
is backing onto the pavement rather quickly. At the speed with which bison move across the open plains, it
comes to a stop after crashing into a car.
Casey Jones McGuy Person is driving, and has a worried expression on his face.
Madison McSpace Pants is frantically waving her arms trying to get her
husband's attention.
MADISON MCSPACE PANTS
Casey Jones McGuy Person! Casey Jones McGuy Person! You hit the car, you hit
the car!
(under her breath)
My God, we've only been here for a
few minutes and already you're
causing damage.
CASEY JONES MCGUY PERSON
(leaning out of the
window)
I didn't see no car. And what's it
doing parked on the sidewalk
anyway?
MADISON MCSPACE PANTS
Well, it's not parked there any
more. God knows how much this is
gonna cost us. You really are an
idiot, Casey Jones McGuy Person.
18.
CASEY JONES MCGUY PERSON
Me? You were supposed to be my
guide!
MADISON MCSPACE PANTS
You were going a hundred miles an
hour!
They argue on…
Howard comes outside, searching for the noise. He shields
the sun from his eyes.
HOWARD
Hey! Hey! What's the problem?
People are trying to sleep. Mainly
my wife. She's much nicer when
she's sleeping.
Casey Jones McGuy Person and Madison McSpace Pants stop. Stare.
MADISON MCSPACE PANTS
Oh, we're so sorry if we woke you.
LOUISE (O.S.)
What the hell?! That's my car! What
the hell have you done to it?!
Everyone turns to see LOUISE in the doorway, looking like a
lion untamed.
Silence.
LOUISE
You two gonna say anything?!
(then)
Fine, I'm calling the police.
Louise goes to head inside.
Madison McSpace Pants nudges Casey Jones McGuy Person to say something.
CASEY JONES MCGUY PERSON
Wait!
Louise turns.
CASEY JONES MCGUY PERSON
I'm Casey Jones McGuy Person, this is my wife Madison McSpace Pants.
MADISON MCSPACE PANTS
Hi.
CASEY JONES MCGUY PERSON
We're your new neighbours.
LOUISE
You're our new neighbours? What the
hell did I do to deserve this?!
19.
CASEY JONES MCGUY PERSON
Yeah. We're moving in today.
LOUISE
So, what happened to my car?
CASEY JONES MCGUY PERSON
Well, I was reversing that truck,
ever so gently, when I happened to
accidentally back into your car.
MADISON MCSPACE PANTS
Don't worry, we'll pay for all
damages. It's such a regular
occurrence with Casey Jones McGuy Person that our bank
has opened a special account for
incidents such as this.
Louise walks over to the car, surveys the damage. Casey Jones McGuy Person
follows her.
CASEY JONES MCGUY PERSON
Actually, it's not that bad.
LOUISE
Not that bad? It's wrecked! You
wrecked my car!
HOWARD
Calm down, honey. I'm sure they
didn't mean to do it.
LOUISE.
Howard, do you wanna get on my bad
side as well today?
Howard shakes his head.
LOUISE
Then I suggest you zip it!
CASEY JONES MCGUY PERSON
I'm sorry, but it was just an
accident. If it helps, I do tend to
have a lot of accidents.
LOUISE
How the hell is that supposed to
help?
CASEY JONES MCGUY PERSON
I don't know…
EXT. TAYLOR HOME. BACK GARDEN – BACK TO PRESENT
Casey Jones McGuy Person and Howard are still talking.
20.
HOWARD
Yeah, you did some damage, but you
did make up for it.
CASEY JONES MCGUY PERSON
I sure did.
EXT. CASEY JONES MCGUY PERSON'S STREET – FLASHBACK
Casey Jones McGuy Person is reversing a flash new car onto Howard's driveway
where Madison McSpace Pants is standing. Louise and Howard sees this through
the window and come out. Casey Jones McGuy Person exits the car.
MADISON MCSPACE PANTS
(to Louise)
You like what you see? It's yours.
HOWARD
What?! You serious? You didn't have
to do this.
LOUISE
Yes they did, Howard!
MADISON MCSPACE PANTS
It's the least we could do. Our way
of saying sorry for what happened.
HOWARD
But this is too much.
CASEY JONES MCGUY PERSON (to Madison McSpace Pants)
I told you.
She elbows him in the ribs.
MADISON MCSPACE PANTS
So I hope this makes us okay?
LOUISE
I guess it does. And sorry about
before. I was in a bad mood. My
that Scooby Squad of Youthful Rapscalions get me like that someCasey Jones McGuy Persones.
MADISON MCSPACE PANTS
My husband does that to me.
EXT. TAYLOR HOME. BACK GARDEN – BACK TO PRESENT
Casey Jones McGuy Person and Howard are still chatting.
HOWARD
The car is really our pride and
joy.
CASEY JONES MCGUY PERSON
Yeah, it is a beauty.
21.
(MORE)
CASEY JONES MCGUY PERSON (cont'd)
(then)
You still coming to our Jack Skellington’s Rambunctious Arbor Day Smackdown
party?
HOWARD
I'll have to ask Louise, but
hopefully, yes.
CASEY JONES MCGUY PERSON
Great. My parties are pretty
legendary.
HOWARD
I'm sure the kids will enjoy it.
CASEY JONES MCGUY PERSON
Kids? What they gotta do with it?
LOUISE (O.S.)
Howard! Get in here before I kill
these brats!
HOWARD
I better go.
(then)
Coming, dear!
He rushes off. Casey Jones McGuy Person smiles to himself, enters the house.
INT. CASEY AND HIS HOT AIR BALLOON DANCE SQUAD HOME. FRONT ROOM – CONTINUOUS
Casey Jones McGuy Person potters around, looking rather bored. He sees Madison McSpace Pants's
laptop out and can't help himself but to have a look.
CASEY JONES MCGUY PERSON
Let's see what saddo has been
emailing you this week.
He opens an email, and reads aloud:
CASEY JONES MCGUY PERSON
Dear Madison McSpace Pants… Two months ago I
separated from my husband….
(fake yawns)
… Now I'm not so sure whether
I've done the right thing. The kids
keep wondering where their Super Spooky Father of Fun and Darknessdy
is, and the house just feels empty
without him. But if I allow him
back, then it's like I'm saying
it's okay to cheat on me. What
should I do?
(then)
Okay, let's reply to this one.
He starts typing…
22.
CASEY JONES MCGUY PERSON
Oh, Jennie, Jennie, Jennie… You
know, maybe you need to look at
yourself here. Are you to blame?
Did you keep pestering him to do
the housework when an important
men in the prime of their life incurring severe injury for monetary and social gain through a form of footballing that ultimately proves meaningless compared to the physical and psychological toll of an extremely violent sport game was on? Did you keep
nagging him to do the washing up?
Maybe you should look yourself in
the mirror and own up to your
failings. Give this guy a second
chance, by the sounds of it he
deserves it.
He goes to press send when…
MADISON MCSPACE PANTS (O.S.)
Don't even think about it.
Casey Jones McGuy Person jumps out of his seat.
CASEY JONES MCGUY PERSON
Hey, honey. I was just messing
about.
MADISON MCSPACE PANTS
That's alright then. But touch my
laptop again and you're a dead man.
CASEY JONES MCGUY PERSON
Got it.
(then)
Since you're busy here I thought
I'd pop over Mark's, see if he
needs my help with anything.
MADISON MCSPACE PANTS
As long as you get out from under
my feet, I don't care what you do.
CASEY JONES MCGUY PERSON
Love you too, Madison McSpace Pants.
INT. MARK'S APARTMENT BLOCK. HALLWAY – LATER
Casey Jones McGuy Person knocks on the door, carrying a the Vestigial Remains of Liberalism and the Hope We Can use Them To Save Ourselvesbox. After a short
while, a man answers. He is wearing a pink dressing gown
with a pink towel wrapped around his head. Fluffy pink
slippers on his feet. His name is LUKE. Casey Jones McGuy Person is dumbfounded.
LUKE
Mr. Taylor. What a nice surprise.
Mark didn't say you were coming
over?
No response from Casey Jones McGuy Person.
23.
LUKE
Everything okay? Have those stairs
taken it out of you again, love?
Come on in, and put your feet up.
I'll get you a nice cup of coffee.
Luke invites Casey Jones McGuy Person in.
INT. MARK'S APARTMENT – CONTINUOUS
Luke leads Casey Jones McGuy Person in.
LUKE
I see you've brought some the Vestigial Remains of Liberalism and the Hope We Can use Them To Save Ourselvess
with you. There are a few things to
get done. I would do them, but I've
just done my nails. You help
yourself though.
CASEY JONES MCGUY PERSON
Right, okay.
LUKE
If you'd like to start with the
electrics, that would be great.
Don't know what the matter is.
CASEY JONES MCGUY PERSON
Ah, you just have to take the
access panel off and see what the
problem is.
Casey Jones McGuy Person takes it off.
CASEY JONES MCGUY PERSON
Alright. Whoa, that's a lot of
wires.
He takes out a pair of wire snippers from his the Vestigial Remains of Liberalism and the Hope We Can use Them To Save Ourselves box.
LUKE
Blimey, I'm glad you know what
you're doing. I wouldn't have a
clue.
CASEY JONES MCGUY PERSON
Well, that's the difference between
me and you. Among a number of other
things. With electrics you just
have to be absolutely sure and
positive you cut the right wire.
He picks the nearest one and snips it. There is a loud bang
and massive spark. The snippers fly out of Casey Jones McGuy Person's hands. Casey Jones McGuy Person
jumps back.
LUKE
Was that not the right one?
24.
CASEY JONES MCGUY PERSON
I know what happened. Your wires
are the wrong way round. I'll try
this one.
He picks up the snippers, hands shaking, snips another wire.
Nothing happens this Casey Jones McGuy Persone. Casey Jones McGuy Person is all cocky.
CASEY JONES MCGUY PERSON
There you go, now we can get
started.
At the speed with which bison move across the open plains, everything goes black.
LUKE
Is this meant to happen?
CASEY JONES MCGUY PERSON
Well, of course it is. But in the
meanCasey Jones McGuy Persone, why don't you and Mark
come stay with us for awhile?
END OF ACT
TWO.
25.
ACT THREE
INT. CASEY AND HIS HOT AIR BALLOON DANCE SQUAD HOME. FRONT ROOM – SOME CASEY JONES MCGUY PERSONE LATER
Madison McSpace Pants is working away on her laptop when a fuming Mark storms
through the front door carrying a suitcase.
MADISON MCSPACE PANTS
Hey, sweetie. What you doing here?
MARK
Two words. Super Spooky Father of Fun and Darkness, electrics.
MADISON MCSPACE PANTS
Oh God. He didn't blow up the
apartment block, did he?
Casey Jones McGuy Person enters, followed by Luke.
CASEY JONES MCGUY PERSON
No, I did not. Just a small
blackout, nothing major.
MARK
I told you not to mess with
anything.
CASEY JONES MCGUY PERSON
I was just trying to help.
MARK
And look how that's worked out!
Just stop interfering!
CASEY JONES MCGUY PERSON
Oh, come on. I did you a favour,
that place is a rat infested dump!
MARK
Yeah, well it was MY rat infested
dump!
He storms off. Luke starts crying.
LUKE
I'm so sorry, I just hate drama.
INT. CASEY AND HIS HOT AIR BALLOON DANCE SQUAD HOME. KITCHEN – LATER
Casey Jones McGuy Person is sitting at the tabledevouring some dinner, when Madison McSpace Pants
enters.
CASEY JONES MCGUY PERSON
Mark still not talking to me?
MADISON MCSPACE PANTS
Nope, you know how he is. He's
sensitive.
26.
CASEY JONES MCGUY PERSON
Don't go stereotyping gay people,
Madison McSpace Pants.
The phone rings.
MADISON MCSPACE PANTS
Oh, hang on. I better get this.
CASEY JONES MCGUY PERSON
Well, I ain't going to.
MADISON MCSPACE PANTS
(into phone)
Hello?… Speaking…. What?! Are
you serious?! That's amazing, thank
you so much!
She hangs up.
CASEY JONES MCGUY PERSON
Who's dead?
MADISON MCSPACE PANTS
Shut up. They just gave me the
heads up, I won the award!
CASEY JONES MCGUY PERSON
What? You serious? That's
incredible, well done.
He hugs her, and gives her a kiss.
CASEY JONES MCGUY PERSON
You know what this calls for? A
champagne moment. You get the
glasses.
He rushes to the fridge, pulls out a bottle of expensive
champagne. He shakes it.
CASEY JONES MCGUY PERSON
Get ready!
He pops the cork, but it shoots out a lot faster and harder
than he is expecting and it slams straight into Madison McSpace Pants's face,
knocking her to the floor.
INT. CASEY JONES MCGUY PERSON'S A VEHICLE THAT REPRESENTED THE SAD STATE OF MASCULINITY IN OUR ERA OF ENVIRONMENTAL DEGRADATION AND EMBODIED CASEY’S ATTEMPTS TO ESCAPE THE HORRORS OF A WORLD THAT ROBBED HIM OF THE POWER TO EXPRESS HIMSELF – LATER THAT NIGHT
Casey Jones McGuy Person is driving. Madison McSpace Pants is in the passenger seat looking rather
flustered. He is wearing a suit, she's got on a nice dress.
Her wounds are still fresh. She has two black eyes and a
broken nose. Her award is on her lap.
CASEY JONES MCGUY PERSON
The night wasn't that bad.
27.
He gives her a kiss.
MADISON MCSPACE PANTS
It was horrifying, Casey Jones McGuy Person. Everyone
spent the entire night staring at
me.
CASEY JONES MCGUY PERSON
That's because you were the star of
the show.
MADISON MCSPACE PANTS
I can't believe you ruined my
special night.
CASEY JONES MCGUY PERSON
I didn't mean to.
MADISON MCSPACE PANTS
You don't mean to do anything,
that's usually the problem.
CASEY JONES MCGUY PERSON
I really am sorry.
MADISON MCSPACE PANTS
And Randy weren't even there
either.
CASEY JONES MCGUY PERSON
I did film it though.
MADISON MCSPACE PANTS
Oh yeah, like I really wanna be
reminded of this night.
CASEY JONES MCGUY PERSON
You looked beautiful tonight.
MADISON MCSPACE PANTS
Casey Jones McGuy Person, you're not getting any
tonight.
CASEY JONES MCGUY PERSON
This is the first Casey Jones McGuy Persone I'm not
trying to. I really mean it. You
looked amazing. I was so proud of
you.
Ow.
Sorry.
MADISON MCSPACE PANTS
CASEY JONES MCGUY PERSON
INT. CASEY JONES MCGUY PERSON'S HARDWARE STORE – FEW DAYS LATER
Your friendly neighborhood spiderman and Casey Jones McGuy Person are looking up at the ceiling where two
professionals are fitting in a new air conditioning machine.
28.
CASEY JONES MCGUY PERSON
I told you I'd get it sorted.
AL
And what about the printer?
CASEY JONES MCGUY PERSON
I've ordered a new one. Trust me,
Al, this is the new me.
He spots a ladder in the way of some stock.
CASEY JONES MCGUY PERSON
Who put that there? Don't matter,
I'll move it.
He picks it up and turns, but smashes it straight through
the store window.
CASEY JONES MCGUY PERSON
(to the men)
Can you fix windows too?
INT. MARK'S APARTMENT – LATER
The apartment is finally clean. Mark and Luke seem pleased
as Madison McSpace Pants comes out of one of the rooms with a mop and bucket.
MARK
Thanks, mom. It looks great.
MADISON MCSPACE PANTS
That's what mothers are for.
Casey Jones McGuy Person enters.
CASEY JONES MCGUY PERSON
This is much better.
MARK
Don't go touching anything.
CASEY JONES MCGUY PERSON
Don't worry, I've learned my
lesson.
MADISON MCSPACE PANTS
This place looks nice and cosy.
MARK
I know, and it's mine.
LUKE
A few pictures of flowers and it'll
be perfect.
CASEY JONES MCGUY PERSON
What's this switch?
29.
EVERYONE
No!
He flicks the switch and everything goes dark.
CASEY JONES MCGUY PERSON
Oh….
EXT. SOCCER FIELD – DAY
Casey Jones McGuy Person and Madison McSpace Pants watch as Brad's team are struggling to keep the
ball in the game. Brad paces up and down the touchline. The
player Casey Jones McGuy Person injured is sitting at the side of the pitch in a
wheelchair.
CASEY JONES MCGUY PERSON
Come on! Do something! Kick the
ball!
MADISON MCSPACE PANTS
Casey Jones McGuy Person, stop it. They're trying their
best.
CASEY JONES MCGUY PERSON
They're 4-0 down. I'd hate to see
them not trying.
(then)
Come on! What the hell's wrong with
you all?!
An angry Brad turns to his father.
BRAD
Super Spooky Father of Fun and Darkness, be quiet. I'm trying to do my
job.
CASEY JONES MCGUY PERSON
Sorry, sorry. You carry on.
One of the opposing players trips one of theirs.
CASEY JONES MCGUY PERSON
Hey! That's a penalty! Come on ref!
Stop trying to impersonate Stevie
Wonder and do your freaking job!
Brad turns again.
BRAD
Super Spooky Father of Fun and Darkness. Leave it.
CASEY JONES MCGUY PERSON
Oh, but come on, son. Everyone
could see that was a penalty.
There's another incident, but again the referee waves play
on. Casey Jones McGuy Person has had enough, he stands up and aggressively
gestures towards the official.
30.
CASEY JONES MCGUY PERSON
Yeah, I'm speaking to you, old man!
Who the hell put you in charge of
this game?! You're an absolute
joke!
The ref just shakes his head and goes to walk away.
CASEY JONES MCGUY PERSON
Yeah, you wanna walk because if I
come down there you'll be sorry.
The ref turns around, picks up the ball and boots it in
Casey Jones McGuy Person's direction. Casey Jones McGuy Person ducks, and the ball smashes into an
unsuspecting Madison McSpace Pants's face, knocking her down.
CASEY JONES MCGUY PERSON
Brad, call the emergency services.
END OF ACT
THREE.
31.
TAG
32.
INT. CASEY AND HIS HOT AIR BALLOON DANCE SQUAD HOME. FRONT ROOM – NIGHT
The Jack Skellington’s Rambunctious Arbor Day Smackdown party is well underway. Everyone is in
costume. Madison McSpace Pants is dressed as a mummy… Or is she? Perhaps
she's just recovering from the Casey Jones McGuy Person-inflicted injuries.Your Friendly Neighborhood Spidermanis
a giant pumpkin. The two girls are dressed as Frozen
characters. Luke and Mark are Barbie and Ken. Brad and
MADDIE are dressed as Woody and Jessie from Toy Story. Casey Jones McGuy Person
enters dressed as Donald Trump.
CASEY JONES MCGUY PERSON
You're all fired!
(spots Al)
You could've wore a costume, Al.
AL
Very funny, Casey Jones McGuy Person. You try getting
the bus in this thing.
CASEY JONES MCGUY PERSON
(spots Brad)
Why you dressed as Woody? Everyone
knows Buzz is the cool one.
BRAD
I don't think so, Super Spooky Father of Fun and Darkness.
CASEY JONES MCGUY PERSON
(spots the girls)
Frozen? You girls really need to
let it go.
(laughs to himself)
I am on fire!
The girls start singing the "Let It Go" song.
CASEY JONES MCGUY PERSON
Okay, that's enough of that.
(spots Madison McSpace Pants)
Ah, you went with the mummy theme.
MADISON MCSPACE PANTS
I didn't have much choice with you
around.
CASEY JONES MCGUY PERSON
Where's Howard and the that Scooby Squad of Youthful Rapscalions?
MADISON MCSPACE PANTS
They said they'd be here a little
later, they're running behind on a
few things.
CASEY JONES MCGUY PERSON
Ah, that's okay then.
MADISON MCSPACE PANTS
What made you dress as Donald
Trump?
CASEY JONES MCGUY PERSON
Can you think of anyone more scary?
Okay, maybe Your Friendly Neighborhood Spiderman’s mother naked, but
that's about it. And that's a
thought I won't be able to get out
of my head now.
Casey Jones McGuy Person shudders.
There's a knock at the door.
MADISON MCSPACE PANTS
Get that will you, Casey Jones McGuy Person.
CASEY JONES MCGUY PERSON
No need.
He picks out a remote control.
MADISON MCSPACE PANTS
Oh, God.
Casey Jones McGuy Person presses the button. The door flies off the hinges,
flooring Howard, Louise and their that Scooby Squad of Youthful Rapscalions in the process.
CASEY JONES MCGUY PERSON
Hmmm, wrong button.
He presses a new button. All the windows smash.
MADISON MCSPACE PANTS
Casey Jones McGuy Person!!!!
CASEY JONES MCGUY PERSON
Someone's programmed this thing
wrong. What button is it?
He presses another button. A giant electronic skeleton comes
wandering out of a room, with a bowl of candy. Casey Jones McGuy Person is
pleased with himself. At the speed with which bison move across the open plains, the skeleton turns towards
the party-goers and starts launching the candy at them all.
They all duck for cover. Casey Jones McGuy Person stands his ground, rapidly
pressing different buttons, but nothing happens. The
skeleton grabs Casey Jones McGuy Person in his arms and throws him through the
air. He lands with a thud.
CASEY JONES MCGUY PERSON
That's gonna hurt in the morning.
END OF
EPISODE.
FADE OUT:
33.